Friday, May 11, 2012

Lafawnda lays it out!

After I posted on moods, I talked with Lafawnda to see if she would like to say anything.  Here is her marvelous response ….

carly_with_sweater_2

After that last post, I thought that it was only appropriate that you heard a word or two from Lafawnda Fossil about the craziness (yes, I said crazy) that is bipolar disorder.

"Crazy" seems to be the word that people try not to say when you not-so-casually mention that you have bipolar disorder. They immediately think of their aunt's cousin's neighbor's dog's sister who had bipolar disorder, didn't take care of themselves, and was "crazy". So I'll just set the record straight - I'm not crazy (at least not because I have bipolar disorder). My brain just works a little bit differently than yours. Sometimes my brain decides that I'm depressed - whether I'm simply bummed out or wanting to die on my bathroom floor all depends on what kind of mood my brain is in that day. These aren't the greatest of times, let me tell you. Other times my brain decides that I cannot keep still.

carly_blowing_topThese are the times when you realize who your best friends are, because during one of these manic episodes my best friend ran around the perimeter of our school campus with me until we just about fell over. Such is the unpredictable life of someone with bipolar disorder. It sounds horrible, I know. You're probably feeling pretty sorry for me right now, thinking, "Oh, that poor girl with her wacky, unpredictable brain." Well, you shouldn't, because I have a pretty amazing life.

Sure, I can't drink alcohol because it mixes with my medication. Do I care? Not a bit! I don't like the way alcohol tastes anyway. Sure, I have to get a regular amount of sleep, eat my vegetables, drink enough water, and exercise in the sun. Guess what? We should all be doing that anyway!

I'm not saying that I haven't had my difficult times. I've had to interrupt my schoolwork to deal with my depression. I've cried on my bathroom floor for no reason other than my brain decided I should be sad that day. I once stood on stage rehearsing for a musical and suddenly burst into tears. Yes, I've had some difficult times, but there are two things you learn through difficult times - who your real friends are and how great the good times are.

Let me tell you, as a 16-year-old high school student who has sudden, unexplainable episodes of depression, you lose a lot of friends. It was upsetting at the time, but I've learned that my real friends will stand by me. Real friends can handle a little bit of crazy. Also, bad times teach you to appreciate the good times. It sounds cheesy, but it's true. When I convince my brain to behave itself for a while, I love my life. I love my family, I love my friends, and I love my fiance. I love that I live in sunny San Diego.

I love that I know how to appreciate the good times, and there are a lot of them. As you've probably learned by now, I like to look on the positive side of my condition. I could dwell on the days that make me want to die, or feel sorry for myself for not being "normal." But who wants to be normal anyway? 

The moral of this story is that my condition does not define me. Bipolar disorder is not who I am, it's just something I deal with that has made me a stronger person. I am Lafawnda Fossil, daughter-fiance-friend-student-artist-singer-dancer-piano player extraordinaire, and a little bit of mental illness is not going to stop me from living an amazing life.

Are you letting anything stop you?

17 comments:

  1. I love your attitude! We all have things in our bodies that aren't perfect that we have to deal with. We can sit and whine, or we can get on with life. Obviously you have chosen to get on with life! :)

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    1. Why thank you! You're right, we all have something that we have to deal with. Or maybe IT has to deal with US! :)

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  2. "I can't drink alcohol because it mixes with my medication. Do I care? Not a bit! I don't like the way alcohol tastes anyway. Sure, I have to get a regular amount of sleep, eat my vegetables, drink enough water, and exercise in the sun. Guess what?"

    This is me to the T--you are a great girl and I hope you count me amongst your circle of friends!

    "daughter-fiance-friend-student-artist-singer-dancer-piano player extraordinaire" this too is what I am (no piano but) and my daughter and daughter-in-love too.

    Look forward to the wedding snaps and details and we will be throwing virtual confetti all right. Bless you.

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    1. I would love to count you in my circle of friends, and I can't wait for the virtual confetti! :)

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  3. Way to go Lafawnda. You have got another friend down here in Pune who may not be able to run with you, but will cheer you all the way from the side lines.

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    1. It's always nice to have another friend. Thanks! :)

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  4. Such wisdom fronm one so young! Inspiriong words Lafawnda - and helpful - a nice kick in the a$$ - Fossil can explain why.

    Lafawnda Fossil - You Rock!!!!

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  5. Lafawnda Fossil you are beautiful and the light of your parents eyes! Sounds like you are not living with Bipolar disorder, but that it is living with you.

    As the late Randy Pausch said: "We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." You play it well!

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    1. I love that, that bipolar disorder is living with me. That's a good one! My grandfather always used to talk about playing the cards we are dealt, so I love that quote too! Thank you! :)

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  6. You ask a poignant question, Lafawnda: Are you letting anything stop you?

    The answer is: Yes.

    U

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    1. Ursula, I think that Lafawnda doesn't know you well enough to respond, but I want to let you know that if you want to tell us what is stopping you, you can feel safe doing so here. If not, I understand the desire for privacy.

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    2. Thank you. How a kind word will move me to tears.

      Trouble is I don't know what's stopping me. Some years ago a friend remarked that I appear to have a way of sabotaging myself. The context in which he said so was banal, yet his words stuck with me. The only way I can describe it: It's like driving a car with the brakes on. Or putting a heavyweight on a racing horse and still expecting it to win. Considering the person I am it's a mystery (to everyone - even my son has now picked up on it) why I stop myself. If I were a fairy tale the story would go a bit like: All the riches in the world were offered to her, yet she wouldn't/couldn't take them. Sounds idiotic, doesn't it? Let's put it another way: If I were my own daughter I'd kick ass badly.

      U

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    3. Do you like yourself, Ursula? I don't mean this flippantly, for I think this can be one of the most difficult aspects of existence, liking oneself. I think so many of us struggle with this and then hide the struggle from our own eyes.

      A corollary question is whether you think you are worthy of good.

      And, to toss in ... I think you are.

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  7. Ursula, for the first time since you appeared in my blog life, for the first time I see a comment from you that shows a vulnerability. I am touched. And my hats off to TOF for his magnificent response. I hope that you will take him up on his offer.

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    1. Since the "first time" I have appeared in your blog life I show 'vulnerability'. Really? What took me so long?

      You are touched. So am I. And my hats off to TOF too "for his magnificent response'. I wish I could take him up on his offer. But how?

      U

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    2. I think you did take me up on the offer.

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  8. This is great. Thanks for writing it Lafawnda.
    And to the commentariat too.

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