No … I’m not saying that I have it. But, I’m closer after reading the description of the experience of Michel De Montaigne.
On a smaller, slower horse, a larger and faster horseman came barreling onto a path blindly and hit Montaigne and his mount, knocking both sprawling. Montaigne was very badly injured internally and was seen in great agony for an extended period, clawing at his abdomen and thrashing. He came very close to death and took quite a stretch to recover his faculties.
This, in and of itself, is not extraordinary. What is, is the detailed recollection over the years that Montaigne gave of the experience. Even though his body showed the greatest of distress, he experienced a languorous state of floating peace. It had none of the religious iconography attached to it, but rather just a state of absolute bliss.
Out of this, he came to realize that our external understandings of death is what leads to fear, that dying itself is a very easy thing, a sweet, peaceful letting go. He never feared it again and this freed him up to live much more fully than ever before.
There is a great lesson in this. My closest was to come very near death at the age of five in the hospital. Externally, I had a very miserable condition as the medical staff misdiagnosed and mistreated an ailment I had. They don’t expect a child to get mononucleosis. They screwed up the paperwork and gave me a doubly scheduled dosing of penicillin for two weeks straight. They killed all alimentary flora and it led to the opportunistic growth of fungus throughout the alimentary canal. I was outwardly in ghastly shape and came very close to death.
My experience as I recall it, though, was that of peaceful lassitude, not of pain or agony. Dying appears to be much easier in many ways than living.