Disclaimer: this piece relies heavily on cultural stereotyping. Sorry about that, but I need archetypes to illustrate my point. My bad.
There are many types of mothers in many cultures in our world. Some of the most notorious are Jewish mothers when it comes to passing along values, conscience and ethics to their children. How do they do this? By suffering with every move their children make and every change in the world, they guarantee a little guilt to continuously monitor activity and ethical concern. The world is no longer an abstraction, but encapsulated in the mother and there are consequences to actions. And, sometimes, it isn't even possible to solve.
Question: How many Jewish mothers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?Answer: That's OK, I'll just sit in the dark.
Gee, Mom! I try so hard to make you happy. You are with me always, everywhere. There is only one mother in the world more effective than you in creating guilt, a tremendous motivater of ethical restriction, the Japanese mother! She ALWAYS suffers silently. The only thing more potent than the tangible is the imagined! My Japanese friend must carry the weight of his mother's imagined inner agony in all situations.
Well, our family is not like either extreme. We don't generate all that much guilt, we just romp together. But, heaven help us, look what we've fostered:
Now, enjoy the entries by the other active LBC members. I think I have their links on the right, but will check that out as I slowly get my act back together, LOL!!!
Guilt. As great a motivator as fear? Sounds like it might be. The trick of course is to find the common ground in all of those cultural differences. And it's simply not possible to discuss this topic without those archetypes. See - there is more than just a grain of truth in them all.
ReplyDeleteYou romp all you want and I shall silently suffer the teaching values in reverse here with the young teaching me new values. No, I rarely have to screw in bulbs anymore!
ReplyDeleteDid you stop romping at the same time you jumped out of the second story window? LOL
DeleteChuck, I don't know how guilt compares to fear. All I know is that I would prefer that neither be the strong base of a child's value system. Still, they can be effective, no doubt about it.
ReplyDeleteIt may just be worth our while to attempt an LBC post on Fear, Shame and Guilt. "I believe that there is a profound difference between shame and guilt. I believe that guilt is adaptive and helpful – it’s holding something we’ve done or failed to do up against our values and feeling psychological discomfort.
DeleteI define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.
I don’t believe shame is helpful or productive. In fact, I think shame is much more likely to be the source of destructive, hurtful behavior than the solution or cure. I think the fear of disconnection can make us dangerous."
Brené Brown in From Daring Greatly:
Fear, shame and guilt would be a robust topic indeed, although you did a pretty fair job of bringing a focus to it just in this comment. I like the distinction between shame and guilt.
DeleteChildren copy their parents … and grandparents. Is this precious one looking at you, Fossil?
ReplyDeleteblessings ~ maxi
No, her momma took the picture. But, she's given me the look before and we all think it is hilarious. She snorts when she does it.
DeleteI adore the expression on that child's face. It's............cute, funny and real.
ReplyDeleteThat is exactly the way we see it.
DeleteThat is some little lady who knows the direct route to the heart!
ReplyDeleteGM, that is how I could imagine you as a wee one!
ReplyDelete